Harsh Reality


Hey Loves,

You already know that my best wishes are you with you always! 🙂 With that being said, I hoped you were inspired, fulfilled, and all smiles this weekend!

The last four days have been quite interesting. I realized that I have been triple O (Out Of Order). On Wednesday of last week, I was reading posts by another blogger, Heather Lindsey, and all of a sudden I became full with emotion. At that very moment, it dawned on me that I had allowed myself to maneuver through my days with a dysfunctional spirit. I was extremely disappointed with myself. I don’t remember at what point in particular that I fell off but as my mind was racing, it was evident that I had. Signs included my personal time with God was not really intimate nor fulfilling. I was rushing through my days and rarely did I ever just stop and listen. I really treated God as if I was too busy and couldn’t spend significant time with Him. The reality is, I somewhat had a drive by relationship with God.

Words cannot express the sorrow that I felt as a result of treating Him that way. Right then and there I decided that my relationship with Him must be rectified and revived! I concluded that I have been emotionally and mentally drained in other areas of my life as a result of my lack of intimacy with Him.

I realized that I need a break from a lot of the things that make it on my daily agenda in order to restore and improve my relationship with God. I need Him to LIVE. He is my oxygen and I had been experiencing a shortness of breath. Functioning properly requires balance and I was definitely off balance. Although I was still praying and reading His word, I wasn’t giving my all. As a result, my days were hell at times and I was confused about a lot. During this time, I have been struggling with the meantime which is the time between when I pray and see the results in addition to new outlooks and trying to hear his voice concerning the matter. Many days, my future was filled with doubt and I expected my days to be filled with anxiety because I was in such a state of confusion and frustration with all that I was experiencing on a daily or weekly basis. Honestly, I was tired of praying. I felt like I was saying the same thing over and over and over again. Many a days I have said, “Lord, I know you are tired of me coming to you with the same thing because I know Im tired of presenting them as if they are new.”

For me, everything comes full circle. From that day forward, I committed to give God my all. Like all of us, He has done so much in my life that I cannot even fathom. So, I am giving the back seat to some things that I enjoy and others that don’t matter in order  to become more intimate with God. To be honest, this weekend has been such an awesome experience because I didn’t talk on the phone, I didn’t really look at TV nor  was I tweeting or timeline browsing on facebook. It consisted of the most amazing quality time with God and a clear mind.

Regardless of me falling off, I know deep, deep, deep down in my gut that I am not the norm (btw, none of us are or at least we were not created to be), I am somebody special and God has awesome things in store for me so that He gets ALL credit. Even though I have not reached my full potential and tapped into what He has for me, I know that some things are a set up and He is able. The only way that I am able to discover his purpose for my life and maneuver through the meantime without doubt and a lot of anxiety is to regroup, focus, encourage myself and PUSH.

God is not in the midst of division. With that being said, while I am regrouping/fasting for these 40 days, I do not want to focus on myself. If there is anything that any of my wonderful readers need me to SPECIFICALLY pray for, I am more than willing! All you have to do is leave a comment or email me. This is no time for judgement, just break through for you and testimony for someone else!

P. S. If  you would like to know specifically what I am using as a guide during these 40 days, feel free to email me and I will gladly serve as your supplier. 🙂

Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe. ~  Saint Augustine



2 Comments Add yours

  1. Brian Joseph says:

    This is something we all experience from time to time. We get caught up in finding a place for the gifts God has given us while neglecting the one who gave the gifts. I am happy to see this written it reminds me that we all go through common life experiences and that we must consistently remove our wills to become better aligned with God and to see the will more clearly. Great piece Joi’

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