You already know that my best wishes are you with you always! 🙂 With that being said, I hoped you were inspired, fulfilled, and all smiles this weekend!
The last four days have been quite interesting. I realized that I have been triple O (Out Of Order). On Wednesday of last week, I was reading posts by another blogger, Heather Lindsey, and all of a sudden I became full with emotion. At that very moment, it dawned on me that I had allowed myself to maneuver through my days with a dysfunctional spirit. I was extremely disappointed with myself. I don’t remember at what point in particular that I fell off but as my mind was racing, it was evident that I had. Signs included my personal time with God was not really intimate nor fulfilling. I was rushing through my days and rarely did I ever just stop and listen. I really treated God as if I was too busy and couldn’t spend significant time with Him. The reality is, I somewhat had a drive by relationship with God.
Words cannot express the sorrow that I felt as a result of treating Him that way. Right then and there I decided that my relationship with Him must be rectified and revived! I concluded that I have been emotionally and mentally drained in other areas of my life as a result of my lack of intimacy with Him.
I realized that I need a break from a lot of the things that make it on my daily agenda in order to restore and improve my relationship with God. I need Him to LIVE. He is my oxygen and I had been experiencing a shortness of breath. Functioning properly requires balance and I was definitely off balance. Although I was still praying and reading His word, I wasn’t giving my all. As a result, my days were hell at times and I was confused about a lot. During this time, I have been struggling with the meantime which is the time between when I pray and see the results in addition to new outlooks and trying to hear his voice concerning the matter. Many days, my future was filled with doubt and I expected my days to be filled with anxiety because I was in such a state of confusion and frustration with all that I was experiencing on a daily or weekly basis. Honestly, I was tired of praying. I felt like I was saying the same thing over and over and over again. Many a days I have said, “Lord, I know you are tired of me coming to you with the same thing because I know Im tired of presenting them as if they are new.”
For me, everything comes full circle. From that day forward, I committed to give God my all. Like all of us, He has done so much in my life that I cannot even fathom. So, I am giving the back seat to some things that I enjoy and others that don’t matter in order to become more intimate with God. To be honest, this weekend has been such an awesome experience because I didn’t talk on the phone, I didn’t really look at TV nor was I tweeting or timeline browsing on facebook. It consisted of the most amazing quality time with God and a clear mind.
Regardless of me falling off, I know deep, deep, deep down in my gut that I am not the norm (btw, none of us are or at least we were not created to be), I am somebody special and God has awesome things in store for me so that He gets ALL credit. Even though I have not reached my full potential and tapped into what He has for me, I know that some things are a set up and He is able. The only way that I am able to discover his purpose for my life and maneuver through the meantime without doubt and a lot of anxiety is to regroup, focus, encourage myself and PUSH.
God is not in the midst of division. With that being said, while I am regrouping/fasting for these 40 days, I do not want to focus on myself. If there is anything that any of my wonderful readers need me to SPECIFICALLY pray for, I am more than willing! All you have to do is leave a comment or email me. This is no time for judgement, just break through for you and testimony for someone else!
P. S. If you would like to know specifically what I am using as a guide during these 40 days, feel free to email me and I will gladly serve as your supplier. 🙂
Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe. ~ Saint Augustine