The Mask

Hey Love Bugs,

These days we called a weekend have come and gone which means that many of us are back in the habit o_O. I kicked the weekend off with “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.” It was a good movie! I was definitely weak! I think that the movie was a little loose regarding certain terminology but then again, it was realistic which is something that I can appreciate. I am very pleased that the message was not lost in the comedy nor was it biased. I encourage males and females to see the movie. My Saturday was spent volunteering at an all girls workshop that I enjoyed! As far as I am concerned, youth need opportunities like this at least once a week. Lord, help our babies and help us as adults to acknowledge the issues and act! The girls had the opportunity to participate in an activity called the Mask which helped the girls acknowledge feelings and discover why they feel one way but present themselves differently, ultimately masking who they really are. Of course this made me think about the truth behind this activity among other things. I also connected the dots and correlated the message to Steve Harvey’s “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.”

Dating is probably the most common time when men and women wear masks. This is done to get what we think we want. Ultimately doing ourselves and
“the potential” a disservice, only to result in an epic fail. Those individuals who are in tune with their needs and wants often times presents the list of do’s and don’ts up front. In my opinion this is a good thing but has the potential to back fire. One must present their needs and wants in a way that does not reveal all. You should leave it to the other person to take the necessary steps to meet your needs. The perfect concoction is what I call a mix between honesty and tests (no games).

The following is my list for discovering the true person while getting what you need and some of what you want:

1. Be upfront. Communicate your needs without beating around the bush. You must be assertive because some things are nonnegotiable. This should be done without drawing the map for the person. For example, when I am getting to know guys, one thing I say is that I am seeking a Christian/God-Fearing Man. Well, I know what that looks like and I am very confident in my outlook on this need. If the guy professes that he is a Christian/God-Fearing man, I sit back and enjoy the ride of discovery. Everyone’s definition and outlook of my need is not the same. Since I am confident in that area and what it looks like according to my daddy, God, I assess and analyze his needs and actions in order to draw an an accurate conclusion and make the best decision for me.

2. Ask Questions. This means that in some cases, you should talk less and allow the other person to talk away. This allows you to get the answers you need without leading or prompting. Do not confuse this with thinking it is acceptable to be a poor conversationalist.

3. Listen. Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. There is a difference between hearing someone and listening to them. To help you make the connection, when you hear, you miss out on pertinent information; therefore, you make poor decisions and miss opportunities. When you actively listen, you are knowledgeable of all pertinent information resulting in informed decision making.

4. See. Pay attention! I can’t stress that enough. Before I go any further, I am not advising you to be sneaky. Looking for the negative is not good. However, when it is presented to you, take note. Many times, we witness certain behaviors but overlook them even when they are waving at us. It is your responsibility to discern those legitimate mistakes, no big deals, quiet alarms, and sirens. Remember, some of these indicators are not up for discussion, either because they are too small to matter or too significant to discuss. If they are too significant to discuss then that means the siren is blaring so loud that you cant function productively and it needs to END…Deuces!

5. Trust the Gut. and Merriam-Webster defines intuition as an immediate apprehension. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many times we drop the ball on this one in particular for so many reasons. We either want so bad for the man or woman to be ours or we are just oblivious to our own needs and legit desires. I have been there and done that. In my world, my intuition, gut or whatever else is simply God. God does not lie nor hide the truth. We just screw everything up by not starting and maintaining order. I am grateful for past relationships because I learned so much. Lord knows that i dropped balls and ignored sirens but I get smarter and wiser with each experience and time. When you get tired of the headaches and poor results, you will do better.

Every experience offers the opportunity to learn. If you are wise, you will do just that and find meaning. ~ Joí Iman

All Love,


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